fr8mech
Topic Author
Posts: 6799
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Reevaluation of priorities

Sat Mar 11, 2017 4:00 am

I haven't posted in the more controversial threads here, or anywhere else lately, because some things have happened that have forced me to reevaluate some things. I have decided that I will no longer debate/argue/fight with people I don't know, haven't met and will probably never meet. People whose minds or opinions I will never change. People who insult instead of debate or admit wrong when they are backed into a corner.

Life is to short and precious to to stay angry or offended. To be in a perpetual state of agitation. To look for reasons to be angry or offended.

My reason:

Something called Extrapulmonary Small Cell Carcinoma.

Suddenly, I can't get enough of seeing my beautiful children (14 and 10). Listening to them talk. Watching them sleep (I've been doing a bit of that lately). Seeing them at practice and their games. They are indifferent athletes, yet, now, I can't get enough of watching them. I can go on and on, but I won't.

I can't say enough about my wife, my best friend. I can't even begin...

All, I'm not telling you this to garner sympathy or empathy or anything else. I tell you this so that you may turn inside, just for a moment, and reevaluate what you do. Not because what you're doing is bad or good or wasteful or hurtful or indifferent or whatever. But, because when faced with a semi-firm expiration date, a lot of things we think are important just aren't.

I'll probably lurk around when I can and post here and there.

Best of luck to all of you.
When seconds count...the police are minutes away.
 
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TWA772LR
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Re: Reevaluation of priorities

Sat Mar 11, 2017 4:16 am

I'm very sorry to hear this. I wish you a very speedy recovery process, and I wish your family the best and all the strength in the world.

You got this.

-Sam
"The only man who never makes mistakes is the man who never does anything." ~~Theodore Roosevelt
 
NIKV69
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Re: Reevaluation of priorities

Sat Mar 11, 2017 4:23 am

I am so sorry and wish you the best. I also have been around this forum too long and seen the ugliest of people in their quest to silence people that don't agree with their world view. You are right, life is too short.
Hey that guy with the private jet can bail us out! Why? HE CAN AFFORD IT!
 
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cpd
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Re: Reevaluation of priorities

Sat Mar 11, 2017 4:50 am

I really, really hope you can somehow fight through this. I read about it and that didn't sound good. :(


I also agree about enjoying life as much as you can while you are able to.

Good luck.
 
TheF15Ace
Posts: 129
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Re: Reevaluation of priorities

Sat Mar 11, 2017 5:25 am

Stay strong buddy. Wishing the best for you and your family.
 
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DocLightning
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Re: Reevaluation of priorities

Sat Mar 11, 2017 5:35 am

fr8mech wrote:
My reason:

Something called Extrapulmonary Small Cell Carcinoma.


I'm so sorry to hear this. I graduated medical school 12 years ago. At the time, I believe this particular kind of cancer carried a uniformly and absolutely horrible prognosis.

In the last few years, advances in immunostimulatory monoclonal antibody therapy may have changed that. Or maybe it hasn't changed. I'm no adult oncologist, but I wish you the best of luck.
-Doc Lightning-

"The sky calls to us. If we do not destroy ourselves, we will one day venture to the stars."
-Carl Sagan
 
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Tugger
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Re: Reevaluation of priorities

Sat Mar 11, 2017 6:52 am

fr8mech wrote:
Life is to short and precious to to stay angry or offended. To be in a perpetual state of agitation. To look for reasons to be angry or offended.
[...]
a lot of things we think are important just aren't.

Life is too brief but it is wondrous. I wish you the best and better, time is precious.

Tugg
I don’t know that I am unafraid to be myself, but it is hard to be somebody else. -W. Shatner
 
stratosphere
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Re: Reevaluation of priorities

Sat Mar 11, 2017 7:02 am

Sorry to hear that bro. One of the pleasures of getting older I guess. I am 53 I have Diabetes, Asthma, Skin cancer on my scalp, A spot on my lung, had quadruple bypass recently. Like someone just told me our next breath is not guaranteed. Have a good buddy that's my age. Has stage 4 cancer they were going to do a radical surgery called HIPEC they opened him up and closed him up said you're too far gone can't help you. One thing you do have is a loving wife and kids. I never was lucky enough to have either. Went my whole life and never found that right person. Like DocLightning said in your case in what you have they have made great strides so don't count yourself out just yet. I do get mad tho too many people I love have been a victim to cancer and we haven't made the progress that we should have after all the money and research we have put into it. You would think we would have something better than Chemo. My take its a money making thing I don't think they want a cure. Feel free to jump in DocLightning.
 
fr8mech
Topic Author
Posts: 6799
Joined: Mon Sep 26, 2005 9:00 am

Re: Reevaluation of priorities

Sat Mar 11, 2017 7:39 am

DocLightning wrote:
I believe this particular kind of cancer carried a uniformly and absolutely horrible prognosis.


As of my last CT(s), which was also my first, there was no dissemination. The only tumor present (the one I could feel) was removed. PET Scan & MRI on Monday for baseline imaging and comparison to the CT. Chemo right after the tests are analyzed. Radiation is a possibility.

stratosphere wrote:
Like DocLightning said in your case in what you have they have made great strides so don't count yourself out just yet.


I will not go willingly, but I am a realist. I understand the odds.
When seconds count...the police are minutes away.
 
DLFREEBIRD
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Re: Reevaluation of priorities

Sat Mar 11, 2017 8:41 am

I want to say i got the point of your post. hope you don't mind if i give you some dumb advice.


I've had MS for years, while it's not life threatening, like cancer. I've learned my body has limitations, and to respect them. You will need to do the same until you're better. Feeling run down, lie down. Having a great day, enjoy it to the fullest. i told you it was dumb advice.

Best of luck to you and your family.
 
rfields5421
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Re: Reevaluation of priorities

Sat Mar 11, 2017 2:08 pm

I've missed you recently. Always enjoyed reading your views. Didn't agree much, but they were reasoned and coherent.

Nothing in this world is more important than our children. Enjoy them and hold them close to your heart.

One thing that made my father's passing a little over a year ago was knowing that there was never a day in my life that I did not know how much my parents loved me.

Make sure your children have that to remember.

Prayers for a successful treatment.
 
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WildcatYXU
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Re: Reevaluation of priorities

Sat Mar 11, 2017 5:21 pm

I'm very sorry to hear that. I wish you and your family all the best and I really hope you'll emerge victorious from this fight.
As far as reevaluation of priorities is concerned, I fully understand where you're coming from. I went through the same process in two phases recently. First due to Mrs. Wildcat's touch with breast cancer and then due to my own trouble, when some bacteria I never heard about before decided that the best place for it to grow would be my aortic valve (Infective Endocarditis). There was even a moment when it looked like that's it...
Many things that looked so important before are suddenly negligible. The only really important thing is the family. Nothing else matters. I wish we could do important decisions like this without a touch with death.
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bunumuring
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Re: Reevaluation of priorities

Sat Mar 11, 2017 8:31 pm

Hey mate, I hear you loud and clear.
I've been in the same situation, a few times.
Telling my kids I had six weeks (especially as I had no symptoms) to live was the hardest thing I've ever done. That was seven years ago this week actually.
I beat the odds. I live a relatively normal life, but am dependent on a range of drugs to keep me alive.
Never give up.
My kids are now teenagers. They are my focus, my life, and like you I treasure every moment with them in the knowledge that one day, the odds will inevitably flip and I will leave them without warning.
Like you I read the vitriol and hatred in certain threads on here and feel sorry for those people. I am stubborn and opinionated myself but I reign that in as it's simply not worth flaming people for their opinions. I prefer to nuture and encourage.
Take care mate.
In your dark moments, look for the little joys and focus on them. My Tagline here says "I wanna live while I'm alive", and that's the mantra of my life.
All the best from the Other side of the world,
Bunumuring
I just wanna live while I'm alive!
 
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pvjin
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Re: Reevaluation of priorities

Sat Mar 11, 2017 10:09 pm

I'm sorry to hear this, I wish you best of luck and hope you will make it. Life is indeed more fragile and uncertain than we often like to think, best to enjoy the good while it lasts...
"Optimism is the madness of insisting that all is well when we are miserable." - Voltaire
 
fr8mech
Topic Author
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Re: Reevaluation of priorities

Sat Mar 11, 2017 10:42 pm

bunumuring wrote:
Telling my kids I had six weeks (especially as I had no symptoms) to live was the hardest thing I've ever done.


That's what we're struggling with. My kids know I had a tumor removed. The 14 year old knows it was cancer, the 10 year old does not. After the chemo counseling session next week, the wife and I will sit down with them and discuss it.

bunumuring wrote:
In your dark moments, look for the little joys and focus on them.


I know it. Hell, I'm going bowling today for the first time in a decade, just because the boy asked me to.
When seconds count...the police are minutes away.
 
mham001
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Re: Reevaluation of priorities

Sat Mar 11, 2017 10:44 pm

Best of luck to you, there is nothing more important than good health.
 
bunumuring
Posts: 1923
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Re: Reevaluation of priorities

Sat Mar 11, 2017 11:32 pm

Hey mate,
I know everyone's different, but I told everyone asap about my diagnosis and prognosis.
I told my kids all and immediately. They were 9 and 7 at the time. I had counsellors organised for them at school the very next day. Last year when I faced life-threatening surgery again, and I was advised to organise my funeral and ensure that my will was up to date, my kids helped me plan my funeral and know my wishes for it. They knew what to expect IF I didn't make it and it was a great comfort to me and to them moving forward. They had tremendous family and community support and still do. I am a single father and so such things are critically important and comforting to me.
One little thing: have you considered writing a daily journal or diary? Getting your thoughts and feelings and emotions down on paper is therapeutic. Allowing your wife and possibly kids read it will help them understand what u are going through, all the things that are so damn hard to say face to face, but need to be communicated. It really helped me, and it helped my kids and parents.
Mate, Im here with you. I wish I could do more for you and for your family. I truly do.
I know what it's like.
Bunumuring.
I just wanna live while I'm alive!
 
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EA CO AS
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Re: Reevaluation of priorities

Sun Mar 12, 2017 2:58 am

I'm not sure if you're religious or not, but let me tell you, I'm throwing a few prayers up there for you. Be strong; you can and will beat this.
"In this present crisis, government is not the solution to our problem - government IS the problem." - Ronald Reagan

Comments made here are my own and are not intended to represent the official position of Alaska Air Group
 
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Francoflier
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Re: Reevaluation of priorities

Sun Mar 12, 2017 3:06 am

My thought are very much with you too...

My run-in with the big C was a much easier fight as I was lucky to have gotten a very manageable disease, yet just that was enough to nearly ruin my life.
And that was only a hint of what you must be going through.

I agree with Bunumuring, you need to sort things out with your family first. They are your greatest worry and also your greatest strength. Once you have told them what they need to know, once they have made (relative) peace with the possibility of your passing and all material things are sorted in that event, then your minds will be lighter and you can serenely look for the light at the end of the tunnel - there is one! - and gather the strength to get to it.

Best of luck. This is not an ordeal I'd wish on my worst enemy.
I'll do my own airline. With Blackjack. And hookers. In fact, forget the airline.
 
fr8mech
Topic Author
Posts: 6799
Joined: Mon Sep 26, 2005 9:00 am

Re: Reevaluation of priorities

Sun Mar 12, 2017 2:09 pm

bunumuring wrote:
I know everyone's different, but I told everyone asap about my diagnosis and prognosis.


Since I appear healthy, we decided to wait until the chemo counseling session, so that we would have as many answers as possible for them. I plan on letting the school folks know, so the counselor is aware. Note, that a lot of the school folks are also friends and acquaintances, so some know a little. Quite frankly, a lot of this has sprung up so fast, there hasn't been time.

I've got a call setup for my siblings later today. They know the general stuff, but I want us all on the same page as to prognosis and treatment.

bunumuring wrote:
One little thing: have you considered writing a daily journal or diary?


Funny you should say that, I started one yesterday. Seems like a great idea, since I'm having all these random thoughts that I want to capture.

EA CO AS wrote:
I'm not sure if you're religious or not, but let me tell you, I'm throwing a few prayers up there for you. Be strong; you can and will beat this


Not overtly religious, but thank you for your prayers.
When seconds count...the police are minutes away.
 
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Channex757
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Re: Reevaluation of priorities

Tue Mar 14, 2017 12:08 am

Fr8mech, I know it's no immediate help but have a look at this

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h6SzI2ZfPd4

There is always hope, and in the most unlikely of places. How scientists and doctors are using the HIV virus to actually eradicate cancers in patients with no other hope of survival. This sort of stuff is cutting edge and coming about so fast nowadays, as doctors begin to understand that modifying the body's immune system is a powerful anti-cancer treatment. It's rolling out extensively nowadays.

A virtual squeeze from me too. Keep fighting, never give up.
 
Flighty
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Re: Reevaluation of priorities

Tue Mar 14, 2017 11:07 pm

That sucks fr8, I am sorry. What you said is right and I would be lucky to learn something from that.

Would imagine that "real" friends and family are what matter. Keep us in mind though... share your thoughts or whatever, I feel more like listening than talking.
 
tommy1808
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Re: Reevaluation of priorities

Wed Mar 15, 2017 6:19 am

fr8mech wrote:
Life is to short and precious to to stay angry or offended. To be in a perpetual state of agitation. To look for reasons to be angry or offended.


In deed, YOLO is not just a stupid thing to say, it is in fact true. Make the best of it and may progress turn a bad diagnoses around!

best regards
Thomas
This signature is a safe space for Trump supporters....
 
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mad99
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Re: Reevaluation of priorities

Wed Mar 15, 2017 12:25 pm

Sorry to hear it. I hope things work out for the best.
 
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casinterest
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Re: Reevaluation of priorities

Wed Mar 15, 2017 4:14 pm

I wish you the best on your treatment and outcome.

Family should always come first and I think life altering situations always are a call for a bit more introspection.

Post when you can, and post what you want. In 12 years here, sometimes I post more, sometimes I post less. But it is a good sounding board for opinions, and whether you hate them or not, at least you get an idea of what people are thinking.
Older than I just was ,and younger than I will soo be.
 
bunumuring
Posts: 1923
Joined: Wed Jan 15, 2014 2:56 pm

Re: Reevaluation of priorities

Thu Mar 16, 2017 8:38 pm

Hey guys,
It's so heartening to read all the positive messages. A.net is a community and it's great to see members taking time out to consider the welfare of other community members.
Cheers,
Bunumuring.
I just wanna live while I'm alive!

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